


Love Kills

by haderpascal



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angsty Crowley (Good Omens), Character Death, Dead Character, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt Aziraphale (Good Omens), Hurt Crowley, M/M, Sad Aziraphale (Good Omens), Sad Crowley (Good Omens), Sad Ending, first fic, gomensficweek2019, good omens - Freeform, major angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 22:58:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20478866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haderpascal/pseuds/haderpascal
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale are soulmates but, what happens when Crowley pushes Aziraphale away and hanahaki disease infiltrates Aziraphale’s heartbroken body.(This is my first fanfic in years so, if it’s shit, it’s shit🤷🏻)





	Love Kills

**Author's Note:**

> #gomensficweek prompts [day one: soulmate au]

Meeting your soulmate for the first time has been written in history to be one of the most magical and powerful moments you’d ever experience in your lifetime. The overwhelming feeling of warmth and love that fills the hearts of those individuals is a feeling like nothing they’ve felt before and certainly, will never feel again away from their soulmates. However, not everybody has the honour of experiencing such a beautifully nature process. Unfortunately, some will never meet their soulmate, whether that be one of them is dead: across the world or hasn’t even been born yet. Gratefully, this isn’t the case for the polar-opposites Aziraphale and Crowley. Unbearable love has always consumed them when in the presence of one another, but neither of them have the courage to confess their feelings…

Aziraphale is a bashful bookshop owner with a spring in his step and a drive to speak of his literature passions. Crowley on the other hand, is that quiet mysterious type that lays down a sarcastic comment once given the opportunity. Crowley doesn’t even like reading, he feels it to be a waste of time but he could sit in Aziraphale’s bookshop for hours listening to him talk about the new collection he got that day and how thrilled he is to have somebody sit down with him for a couple of hours after closing time to unwind and chat with. It gives Crowley a growing feeling of pride and love in his chest that he demands his brain to desperately suppress. He can’t love Aziraphale. Happy, generous and adoring Aziraphale. Crowley would taint his innocence, he tells himself everyday. With his cruel and horrid past he feels unworthy to be Aziraphale’s lover, despite having a feeling that they are indeed soulmates. The fear of intimacy and ruining the best thing that has ever happened to him makes him feel like he’s always reaching out for his dearly beloved but can never reach him. He feels trapped. Hurt!

That’s why when Aziraphale just asked him a couple of moments ago, “Crowley dear, I um.. Well I was wondering.. A-are we soulmates? I-It’s just you see.. I feel deeply connected to you and-”

“No.” He shut him down.

An unsettling silence fell between them in that moment, the horrified and heartbroken look on Aziraphale’s face gave Crowley the invitation to leave as quickly as possible before he changes his mind to tell him the truth. He carefully places his cup of tea on the coffee table and makes a dash for the door and throws himself out of it. What history selfishly left out was that the feeling like no other was rejection from your soulmate… not the love. The agonising pain seared through him and a wince left Aziraphale’s throat. A shaky breath pushes past his quivering lips and a taste of salty tears greets his tongue. His throat tightens and the overwhelming feeling of regret and shame washed over him. Crowley during this was crying on the doorstep outside the bookshop as he too could feel the excruciating pain and the feeling like his heart was being pulled into two. ‘This is the right thing to do, I’m saving him a lifetime of pain and hatred!’ Crowley repeats like a ritual in his aching mind, diseased with sadness and self loathing.

-1 Week Later-

Crowley couldn’t take it anymore! 7 days of unbearable pain and no sleep is driving him insane and the connection between him and Aziraphale feels the strongest it has ever been. He feels drawn… no, pulled to his lover. There’s only so much willpower Crowley has to suppress chasing after that bond that’s desperating dragging them together! Crowley’s stood outside the bookshop for the first time in that week, his palms drenched in sweat and his breathing all of a sudden shaky and uneven. He feels it. Something… wrong almost? He slowly reaches out to open the door of Aziraphale’s bookshop, only to find it locked. Confusion and fear sets in. Crowley stumbles back and races to the back door of the bookshop, which to his saving grace is in fact open. He throws it open, and frantically looks about. The bookshop feels like it has no life in it, the warmth it once had now has been simmered down to a harsh bitter coldness. The only source of light is a low lite candle that is dying out and the light peeping in through the blinds.

“Aziraphale?” Crowley softly shouts out. No response.

He walks further into the bookshop, his throat going drier with each step as a plethora of scenarios are racing through his mind. He switches on one of the front of house lights and that’s when he sees a trail of bloody, withered away white lilies. Cautiously, he leans down to scoop one up and gently admires and examines the fragile petal. His brows furrowed together in frustration, he crushes the frail petal between his fingers and watches as the crumbs of once a beautiful petal floats to the floor. A shaky breath lingers and Crowley starts taking long and heavy strides through the book shop to follow the bloody lily petals. Once he’s at the door of where the trail ends, all confidence to get to the bottom of this vanishes and is replaced with immense anxiety. ‘Aziraphale.’ The only thing running through his mind.

The door slithers open with a gut wrenching creak and newly accumulating dust floats in its absence. That’s when he saw it. That’s when Crowley’s life crumbled around him.

Aziraphale, curled up on the sofa with a fuzzy blanket, surrounded by the very petals that lead Crowley to this very spot. Crowley didn’t need to check… he knew his lover was dead. He could feel his chest sinking into the void and the bond snapping in half at the sight. Tears waterfalled down Crowley’s face but no noise dared to leave his throat and disturb the silence. ‘It’s all my fault.` One thought. One horrifying thought infiltrated his mind. ‘I let him die.’

Crowley falls to his knees and reaches out for Aziraphale’s cold, pale and lifeless hand. He holds it tightly despite no tightness holding his back. He brings the hand close to his chest, sobbing into the once wholesome bookshop that held only the best memories Crowley had. Crowley doesn’t know how long he sat on that dusty floor, clinging to Aziraphale’s limp hand. Could have been days and he wouldn’t care, he doesn’t want to leave Aziraphale’s side. Crowley refused to look at his lovers cold grey face, he didn’t want this to be the last memory of Aziraphale he ever had. Clinging to the memories of the loving bookshop owners blushing face and soft chubby cheeks that would only enhance his heart warming smile. Eyes that would sparkle with pure wonderment and joy.

Crowley’s sobs turned into sniffles and then into silence once again. The only noise was the busy roads outside the windows and Crowley’s sad heartbeat. He looks at their hands intertwined, softly allowing a glum smile to possess his face. However, it quickly morphed into a frown. Aziraphale’s ring wasn’t on his finger anymore. Crowley rubs his finger softly over the tan lines of where the ring once sat and then begins darting his snake eyes around the room, in search for the ring. They come to a halt when he notices the ring on Aziraphale’s work desk. A sigh of relief tumbles out and he leaves Aziraphale’s side for the first time in hours to collect the ring. Having something so close to Aziraphale’s character be imbedded in this ring gave Crowley a sense of comfort. Crowley slides the ring onto his own shaking finger and admires it; another sad smile burns into his gaze. His eyes dart to the rest of the desk and notices a rushed pile of notes and open books. Most importantly, a letter delicately written the words ‘Dear Crowley♡.’ His breath hitches and Crowley starts to come to his realisation. This is Aziraphale’s goodbye letter, so he knew his unfortunate fate? Crowley looks more carefully at the scattered notes and books only to see ‘Hanahaki Disease: Soulmate Legends.’ He’s heard of this before.. when unrequited love can be the death of you. Where flowers nest in the throat of the heartbroken and slowly suffocates them unless sadness takes them out first. Aziraphale died slowly because of Crowley’s fear of accepting love… That’s why there are so many bloody lily petals…

Tears glossed over Crowley’s snake eyes but he holds them back this time. He needs to be strong for the words that he is about to read from his dear angel.

_Dear Crowley,  
I forgive you. It’s not your fault you don’t love me back. Despite my unfortunate fate, I don’t regret falling madly in love with you. You were the only person that understood me Crowley, the only person who would listen to my day, my feelings and my worries. I think you may have known me more than I knew myself, how funny is that! Hmm, what I do regret though is not saying the words. Not saying, I love you. You deserved to hear those words, you deserve to be loved and appreciated my dear boy. You made everything in my life brighter and I can not thank you enough for the beautiful memories you’ve allowed the walls of this bookshop to see. It brought life to the shop! It brought life into me… Please, don’t blame yourself my dear. I would be miserable to find out you’re living the rest of your life in sadness and anxiety. Find your soulmate. They’re out there! They’re going to be the luckiest person in the whole world to have my dear Crowley as apart of their future. Thank you again Crowley. For the love, the smiles, the memories and the journey._

_I should sign off now… This is taking a lot of energy out of me…_

_I’m so in love with you, Crowley. Never forget it.  
—Aziraphale. x_

Crowley throws the letter across the room in a fit of pure horrifying sadness and curls his legs up to his chest. A sudden tightness is felt in his throat, a suffocating tightness. A hysteria of coughs followed after, he cups his hands over his mouth and Crowley looks down. A bloody rose petal.


End file.
